


Fossils

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: 100 percent fluff and crack, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, a cat named Helen, also CAT, and april ludgate, background mention of sexting, based on a HIMYM post, bucky hates cell phones, domestic stucky, this made me ridiculously happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-24
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 02:18:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4648515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is on Steve's last nerve and if Steve decides to hate him then Bucky has to as well. Steve is petty when it comes to jabs about his age.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fossils

Steve stalks out of the Avengers tower with cell phone in hand and angerly pulls up his favorites list - hits "Buck" as he hails a cab. It rings and rings with no one on the other end - he figures Bucky must be taking a shower but this can't wait. He's going to explode if he doesn't get it all out. He calls once more, impatiently tapping his fingers on his seat as the driver glares at him from the front. 

Bucky is breathing hard when he picks up the phone - he'd lost it again and did a mad search under blankets and the sofa and even in the fridge before finding it hiding under a pillow on the floor. 

"Steve - hey!" 

"Did you lose your phone again?," Steve groans. 

"It's too small Steve, I can't keep up with it. It needs a cord or something," Bucky complains as he sprawls out on the sofa. 

"We'll get a house phone then - one with a really long cord," Steve replies. He hates not being able to check on Bucky when he's gone. Bucky is more than capable of taking care of himself - he has a metal arm after all and incredible strength but Steve still worries. 

"Yes, that. Maybe leave your number on a piece of paper beside of it - pin it to the wall," Bucky recalls his mother doing the same and having a long list of penciled in names and numbers by the telephone. 

"I can do that. Listen...that's not why I called."  The cab continues on toward their apartment and Steve thinks he must be driving slower just to spite him. 

"Are you okay?," Bucky asks, concerned.

"We hate Tony now. Get on board or the sexting stops," Steve spits out with venom in every word.

"Tony is a son of a bitch," Bucky replies hastily. Sexting was the one benefit that the small cellphone had. It'd be a shame to miss getting Steve hot and bothered when hes out in public or doing something important.

The cabbie driver glares at Steve once more and it's childish but he's not exactly in the mood to be polite so he glares right back. The driver shakes his head and picks up the pace.

"Do we hate anyone else?"

"I'm working on that - at this point I should compile a list," Steve growls.

"Steve? We're out of pudding cups," Bucky says quietly. They're addicting and come in many flavors and usually their cupboard is stocked with them.

"I'll get some tomorrow. I want to get home to you - got some tension to work out."  The driver sighs - he doesn't get paid enough for this.

"You're right - they can wait," Bucky is grinning at the phone like an idiot and Steve knows.

The cab pulls to a stop in front of their apartment and Steve slides out - tips the cabbie for putting up with him. It isn't his fault that Tony is being a jerk. The driver frowns but takes the cash and tip anyway and speeds off.

"I'm here - see you in a minute or so."

"Okay," Bucky hangs up the phone and pulls his hair back in a bun. If they're going to have angry sex then he doesn't want anything to get in the way.

Steve comes barreling through the door with cheeks flushed from anger and his hair sticking up in a million directions from running his fingers through it - something he hardly ever does and Bucky's throat goes dry at the sight.

Steve says nothing and gently kicks the door closed behind him - strides up to Bucky and gives him a wet passionate kiss, his tongue slipping into Bucky's mouth and making him moan and press up against him. Warm hands pull Bucky's t-shirt over his head and trail over the small of his back and onto each hipbone. Bucky breaks the kiss and tips Steve's neck back to suck along it until hes melting against him.

The bedroom is too far away so they settle for the living room floor with its fuzzy carpeting that feels more like sandpaper on Bucky's knees.

Ten minutes later they lay side by side on the floor and it's so utterly ridiculous that they're two grown men lying on their living room floor at 2 in the afternoon without a stitch of clothing on and the door unlocked.

"If I hate...say...Pepper...does that mean more of this?," Bucky drags a finger along Steve's collarbone.

" 'course," Steve answers with a wide grin.

"In that case I hate everyone," Bucky teases.

" _We_ hate everyone," Steve corrects.

"Yeah that," Bucky says with a laugh.

"The cab driver - we hate him too," Steve pulls Bucky against him and takes the hair tie out of his hair - lets it fan out on his chest.

"Why do we hate him?"

"He was rude," Steve replies. Bucky nods - that's a good enough reason.

"Does this mean more sexting then? 'Cause I could get on board with that," Bucky leans up and nips Steve's bottom lip which turns into a full on kiss that leaves them both breathless.

"Only if you promise not to send me pictures when I'm around Tony or the others."

"But we hate him," Bucky reminds.

"Right - all of the pictures then," Steve twirls a piece of hair between his fingers as he smiles. This could be fun.

"You're corrupting my innocence," Bucky says in a sing song voice.

"It's only fair, you corrupted my innocence just by existing when we were growing up. Couldn't keep my eyes off of you," Steve admits.

"Aw Stevie, you had a crush on me? That's so embarrassing," Bucky laughs and buries his head in Steve's neck.

"Bucky. We're _married_ ," Steve pokes him in the ribs and it makes him look up.

"Still!"

Bucky blushes after all this time and gives Steve a quick kiss.

"What did you do today?," Steve eyeballs the knives that are stuck into their living room wall and the cat that's sleeping peacefully near one - she isn't bothered by noise or violence for that matter. They'd adopted her two months ago - a step up from the house plant that they barely kept alive. So far, so good.

"I tried to read a book and it was so boring that I almost cried a little," Bucky plucks a book off of the coffee table and hands it to Steve.

"Aw I'm sorry you had to read that, you're safe now," Steve tosses the book and it skids underneath of the sofa. The cat doesn't notice - merely tosses in her bed and purrs.

"And the knives?"

"Practicing," Bucky pulls two of the knives out of the wall and wipes them with a towel.

"For what? You gonna take down the delivery man?," Steve removes the remaining three and puts them on the kitchen table.

"You don't know Steve. He could be an agent."

"Pizza, Bucky. He gets paid minimum wage to bring us food. I highly doubt he has it out for us," Steve shakes his head and pulls on some pants. Bucky is still naked in their kitchen with a sharp knife in his hand and hair wild around his face.

Bucky cocks an eyebrow at him but Steve can't keep a straight face -

"It's not nice to laugh at the person you have to spend the rest of your life with, who just happens to be excellent with knives," Bucky grumbles as he returns to the living room and tugs on a pair of sweats.

"You wouldn't hurt me," Steve pulls him in for an embrace and puts his forehead against Bucky's.

"You got me there," Bucky sighs and buries his hands in Steve's hair. They'd been down that path before - never again.

"How 'bout you finish sharpening those knives while I order us a pizza?"

"Fine," Bucky groans and retreats to the kitchen - honestly he's obsessed with his knives. He has no less than fifteen of them and keeps them clean and sharpened "just in case we ever need 'um Steve."

Steve places their order - two large pizzas with extra cheese and not a trace of a vegetable - and stretches out on the sofa with the cat who curls up on his chest and causes it to vibrate with her purring.

"Why do we hate Tony? Not that I'm complaining," Bucky asks from the other room.

"He called me a fossil."

He can hear Bucky laughing in the other room and he rolls his eyes.

Bucky leans up against the living room wall and smirks, "You _are_ kinda old."

"Says the person who's one year older than I am," Steve strokes the cat and gives Bucky a look.

"We'll be fossils together then," Bucky calls as the doorbell rings. He glares at the door and slinks back to the kitchen with his weapons. 

"No no no, don't rush yourself. I'll get it," Steve says sarcastically as he opens the door and pays the deliveryman - gives him a hefty tip just in case Bucky decides to give him the 3rd degree at some point. 

He sits the pizza down on the counter while Bucky watches the cat rub up against his arm. She loves the metal one and purrs loud enough that Steve can hear it from across the room. 

"Alright fossil, lets eat," Bucky teases as he brings out plates and napkins. 

"That's not what you were calling me a couple hours ago," Steve winks. 

Bucky groans and piles his plate up high with pizza. 

They spend the rest of the day eating leftover pizza with Helen ("Bucky we shouldn't give her a people name" "Shes not a Fluffy, Steve. Shes a Helen" "Fine, Helen it is.") and catching up on terrible movies - the kind that Netflix refuses to part with. 

It's a good life even if Tony is a little shit.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by April and Andy http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/characters/april-ludgate/page-2.html
> 
> as well as HIMYM http://steveandbucky.tumblr.com/post/127475057079/steve-and-bucky-in-cap-3-in-which-steve-is-lily


End file.
